Life so far ....

I have tried to pick my pen and write something since 2008, however rigmaroles of life have successfully stopped me from doing so. Not that I am blaming my busy schedules or lack of interesting events in life, because there were times and events that could have been put into beautiful words. I was enjoying life and was so much a part of it that, taking few steps back and looking at it would have taken loads of energy. I was not prepared to sacrifice that.

So why today ? Last month I turned 27. And seeing that average lifespan of humans are 80, Realized I have already lived one third of it. Scary thought, even a tiniest gaze towards the end gives goosebumps. Well that inspired me to write something on the occasion and how life has been so far. Since last few days, it feels exactly like getting out of a car on a long drive on the midway to straighten legs.

In a typical journey, there are two motivations, the destination and the way. So what about life, the destination is death and definitely none of us wants to think about it or go there, so why we tend to worry about what happens next and forget that we are wasting away precious times. 27years might not sound short but I feel I have wasted at least 10yrs of it thinking what happens next in life ? Well, the journey is not half bad as it sounds, there were very memorable occasions like, when I heard about getting a job after a thorough job hunt, solving the most difficult problem in chemistry, standing in front of 221B Bakerstreet or seeing a tiny kunmama(my niece) for the first time. Still there were many times I was knocked down harder than ever(Lets not mention them). But finally it was most of the time an intense and nerve cracking wait for the next phase.Why was it like that ? It didn't take more than my brain to figure it out.

From childhood we got our self screwed up with fear. "What happens if I don't get a good job ?", "What happens if people find out I did something silly or even wrong ?", "What if she doesn't like me :-) ?"..etc. The fear for failure was the mightiest influence in my life. I was listening to Harvard commencement by JK Rowling, and as usual she told very eloquently, how failure had been a catalyst for imagination in her life. One who has never failed has lived his life so cautiously that he hasn't lived at all. Is that me ? One third of life gone and yet cautious and measuring steps. Sounds sad, but its not a complete disaster. At least in someway it gives me a confidence in life that I am somewhat secure from known disturbances. But am I ?? In the same speech she also said, "Life is complicated and beyond anyones control and understanding this can give us wisdom". So why worry about something which you can't control. Well, I know the theory, but I am still worried.

I can't blame life. It hasn't been a fairytale exactly, but it could have been worse. Life is forgiving, it has given me third and fourth chances sometimes and It will be a base treachery if I don't show my gratitude.

Whats next? I am now worried about the second phase of my life. Sad :-) Yesterday, one wise person (If he is reading he knows) told me "Shakti, don't think u still have a lot of time, start considering marriage seriously." He he....well I have been giving serious thoughts and some serious efforts also (Going to Bhubaneswar from Pune can be a big effort), but it gives me creep to think what if it doesn't work out ? I know life knocks us down and we choose to get up..blah blah blah...but there is no getting up if u get knocked down from your marriage. Or at least this is what we learnt from our parents !!!

I got a personality makeover when I joined engineering :p and a wisdom makeover when I read Harry Potter :D In last six years of financial independence I have achieved many dreams but yet the only failure in life still taunts me which is too personal to even mention. I believe in fate and it never once disappointed me when I have kept on fighting till I won, so why give up or bother now. I named this blog Life-is-a-fairytale, just because I believe it can be. Because once I stop believing then I will loose, and its over.

And we can't have that, can we ?